were never getting old
by zigzag19
Summary: It's been a week after the events of your getting old, Kenny wants his old friend back. so he conducts a plan to get stan and kyle back together. it works, but is the price to much for Kenny to pay? possible style
1. Chapter 1

**were never getting old SP**

by ~ZigZag19

Kenny POV

"Kenny everything ok?" Kyle's voice startles me out of my daydream. I've been spending more and more time inside my own head ever sense the whole mysterion thing. And now this, Stan marsh, one of my best friends, had to become a cynical asshole and leave. I didn't realize it until after he left, but Stan was the one who kept this fucked up little foursome together. Now, Kyle and cartman actually get along. I know, it was a shock to me too. I doubt it will last though; it's only a matter of time until cartman says some offensive Jew joke that will make Kyle mad.

'Kenny?" I realize I didn't answer his question.

"Fine" I say, I then sigh, I can't lie to them "it's just that I miss Stan."

"He's a cynical asshole now; he's no fun to hang out with anymore." Kyle says, but his voice cracks, which proves what I already assumed, he misses Stan too. I can't just sit here and be powerless anymore! I then get an idea, it's a long-shot, but...it just might work.

That night.

I just finish tilting the camera at the right angle and uploading the weblink to Kyle and Stan's e-mail accounts (or whatever they call that technical mumbo jumbo). "There...perfect" I say and pull the gun from out of my pocket, don't freak, I got this thing legally, they will give them to anybody at the gift shop at NASCAR. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I am staging a suicide. I'll send the copies of the video to Stan and Kyle, and in the morning I will just wake up in my bed like nothing happened. I know that they won't remember me dying after the day is over, but maybe they'll remember the making up part right afterwards? I guess I'll have to find out. I press record on the camera, it's now or never. I say the speech I rehearsed thousands of times.

"This is Kenny McCormick and this is my suicide note" god, it sounded a lot less cheesy in my head. "I can't deal with everything going on in South Park anymore, so I have decided to end it all. Kyle and Stan, your foolishness is what caused me to do this." I hate saying this part, I don't want them to deal with all that guilt, but it's the only way my plan will work. I then pull the trigger and die.

Stan POV

I was lying in my bed, feeling sorry for myself, ever sense I turned ten life has been looking, well, shitty. I lost all my friends, my parents divorced and we had to move to a new house. South Park is still close by but it doesn't matter, nobody there wants to see me anyways.

"Stan, Kyle's on the phone for you, he says it's urgent." mom says. Kyle? I haven't spoken to him sense that night when we went to the movies; I suppose I'll see what he wants.

"Kyle?" I ask in the phone, I listen closely and realize he's sobbing "are you ok?"

"Stan, did you check your e-mail?" he says

"not recently, why?"

"Check it, right now." I do what he says and open my first new e-mail from Kenny. I can't believe what I see afterwards. "Kenny killed himself? Why would he do such a thing?" I gasp in horror.

"He said in the end it's because of us! I can't believe it, why did we let it go this far?" Tears start to pool in my eyes, Kenny was my friend, and I am to blame for his death...

"I'll be right over."

"Stan, you really don't have to..."

"It's no big deal, I know you're hurting right now and so am I, maybe we can be miserable together.

"Sure, why not?" Kyle says, and then he hangs up the phone.

"Mom, can I go to Kyle's house?"

"You haven't been there in a while."

"I know, but please?"

"ok." I didn't tell her about Kenny's death, I couldn't. When she finds out her only son has caused the death of one of his friends. She couldn't bear it, I can't bear it.

Five minutes later, we arrive at Kyle's house. "Call me when you're finished" she says before driving off. I approach the door slowly, and knock.

"Hello Stan" Mrs. Broftlski says, she looks happy, I guess Kyle didn't tell her either. "Kyle is in his room waiting for you." I find Kyle sitting on his bed, hands on his head. he looks like he's been crying. Not that I blame him, I have been crying as well.

"Stan, is that you?"

"ya, Kyle, it's me." I am taken aback as Kyle leaps up and hugs me. And with that hug, our friendship was back. Nobody had to say anything I could just tell.

"Kenny was right, the whole thing was stupid." Kyle says after he lets go. "I don't want to lose you Stan! I've already lost Kenny, I don't want to lose you too!"

"i don't want to lose you either Kyle. When everything in life turned shitty, you guys were the only ones that weren't. It's funny even though I saw the world as shit; I still can't imagine ending your life. Life is special, and what Kenny did, ending it. It's no better then what I did. we both failed to see the beauty in life and if you can't do that, it's no better than being dead." just then, everything changed, nothing looked like shit anymore, everything went back to the way it was when I was nine, back to the way it's supposed to be.

"your right, I'm sorry Stan, I should have been more understanding, I should have helped you more than I did."

"don't worry about it Kyle, in the end, you did help me." and that night, we cried together, we cried for the week we missed together, we cried for our mistakes, but mostly, we cried for Kenny.

Kenny's POV

I really should have had somebody else film the video. I couldn't stop the video because I was dead, so Kyle and Stan were treated to a long time of empty sidewalk with me splayed across it. It was gross and to be honest, I can't look at it for very long, there is something super creepy about looking at your own dead body. Whatever, I just hope my plan worked. Ping! Evidently it did, I got a text message from both Kyle and Stan, saying they made up. Stan even says that he doesn't see shit anymore. They say something happened to make them rethink their argument, but for the life of them, they can't figure out what it was. Ha-ha. Both texts invite me to come over to Kyle's house at noon; evidently Stan spent the night there. Oh crap! It's already 11:30! I get dressed, and sprint over to Kyle's just in time. I open the door and spot Stan and Kyle looking at me with shell-shocked faces. "What?" I ask, and then I turn my gaze to Kyle's laptop. The video of me killing myself is still on their computer.


	2. Chapter 2

Kenny's POV  
>At first, I freeze. Then the next second I'm running out the door as fast as a jackrabbit. As much as I want them to know I hadn't...exactly...planned on what I'm going to say when they found out. What? I never thought they would ever actually believe me. But now that I think about it i wonder why I hadn't thought of a videotape before. It's so simple!<br>"Kenny!" shit; Stan and Kyle are headed this way. I run faster, I don't know what to say to them. What if they think I'm a freak? What if they don't want to be my friends anymore? I shake my head to clear these thoughts. I feel like such a girl. i don't care if they don't want to be my friends. Screw them! I sigh, who am I kidding, of course I care. I'm the one who killed himself trying to get Stan and Kyle back together. (Granted I knew I was gonna come back but it still hurt like hell.)  
>"Kenny" they call again. I run even faster, but I'm no match for Stan, that kid plays sports a lot. I try to get away, but he has an iron grip and won't let go. Kyle comes bounding up right behind Stan, despite what everyone says about him being girly and a nerd, he plays sports a lot too. I play sports occasionally, but not as much as they do. What was I thinking about? Oh yeah, my impending doom. Kyle grabbed onto me from the other side and dragged me to the nearest park bench. I had given up at this point; I couldn't get away from them. Besides what was I gonna do? Avoid them forever? No, I was going to have to face this sooner or later.<br>Kyle's POV  
>Stan and I woke up at around 11ish. Last night was kind of hazy. Something made us come to our senses and make up, but I wasn't sure what. Oh well, it's all behind us now, but we should probably let the others know were friends again. So we texted Kenny and cartman and went to the computer. I stopped when there was a video on my laptop. I didn't remember watching it so I clicked on it. Stan sat beside me; something about his expression told me he was wondering about the video too.<br>"This is Kenny McCormick and this is my suicide note." Suicide note? "I can't deal with everything going on in south park anymore, Kyle and Stan, your foolishness is what caused me to do this." whoa, this is our fault? I can only watch in horror as he pulls a gun out of his pocket, presses it to his head and pulls the trigger. My first thought was, "you bastards!" for some odd reason, my second was, "well, I guess that's what happened last night." I can't believe I forgot what kind of horrible person forgets about their friend's death? I look at Stan, one look at his face says it all, he didn't remember either. Suddenly the door opens and in steps...Kenny. What the fuck? Isn't he supposed to be dead? That video cannot be faked. So how is it possible he's here?  
>"What?" he says, then his eyes trail to my laptop. The next second he is running out the door. Stan runs after him, I don't want to lose either of them so I follow. While we chase after him a million questions run through my head, did he fake the video earlier? Then why show up to my house? Did he know he was going to come back? is that what he did? How is that even possible?<br>Kenny is a fast runner, but eventually we caught up with him and dragged him to the bench at Starks pond. I was about to launch into my questions, but then i saw the look on his face. He looked..Sad. So instead I said  
>"are you ok?" he looked at me weirdly, like "what a stupid question."<br>"no, yes, maybe?" he said "I guess it depends on you guys reactions."  
>"Well, i dunno dude." Stan says "I just don't know how this is possible."<br>"Neither do I, really" Kenny adds "but somehow it is."  
>"How much does this happen?" I asked<br>"a lot, used to happen every day, thankfully it's slowed down, but it still happens a lot."  
>"How come we didn't know about this?"<br>"Don't know the answer to that either, sometimes you even see it happen, but you always forget by the time I get back."  
>"Will we remember this?" i asked<br>"I hope so, but I'm not sure, cause I didn't actually die this time i would think yes."  
>"So, no more questions for me then?" Kenny asks<br>"not right now, but I'll probably think of more later" Stan says  
>"so there's going to be a later?"<br>"What? Of course dude."  
>"I just thought you might think I was a freak or something."<br>"No way dude, I think it's cool."  
>"It anything but, but thanks anyway."<br>"It is getting cold out here, can we go back to my house now?" I asked  
>"sure" so we did, chatting the whole way. but when we opened the door we froze in shock. cartman is there, and he's pointing a video camera at us.<p>

(Authors note) wow, this was hard to write. What do you say to a friend who keeps dying and coming back? Somehow, I've never had that come up before. I think I did ok though, I was trying not to make them to wimpy, but not make them completely heartless either.


	3. Chapter 3

Kenny's POV  
>cartman points the video camera straight at me "well, look what we have here." he says in an odd tone.<br>"What are you talking about fat-ass." I reply  
>"it's funny, I just got finished watching your tragic death" oh, shit "but I distinctly remember seeing Stan and Kyle chase after you on my way to Kyle's house."<br>"You invited him?" Stan accusingly asks Kyle.  
>"...yes." he blushes "I thought he'd changed, I guess I was wrong." he looks angry now<br>"haven't you learned by now that cartman never changes."  
>"He's good at manipulating people, sorry Kenny." I turn back to cartman<br>"you have no proof."  
>"honestly Kenny, do you think I'd be that stupid, take a closer look at the camera." i did, i didn't notice anything "this is one of those old camera's with the date of when the video was taken. And according to this, the film was taken after the email was sent, plus I filmed the video on the laptop, just in case." man, he was good!<br>"You won't get away with this!" Kyle yells  
>"oh really, to me it seems like the evidence is stacked against you. You see, I have big plans for this tape, I'll submit it to every news station in the country, I'm sure they'll find it very interesting. This tape will make me rich; maybe even rich enough for that ten million dollars I've always wanted. Don't look so glum Kenny, now everyone will know, isn't that what you wanted?" I sigh, no, that's not what I wanted, I wanted my friends to know, not all of America. I knew from my experience from being mysterion that the press can be nasty. And back then no one knew it was me, and they were just reporting on some kid wearing a costume and running around late at night. Imagine when this gets out, we'll have a worldwide conspiracy on our hands, scientists will want to experiment on me, and they won't hesitate to do anything because no matter how many times they kill me, I can just come back. If this tape gets out, I'll have to say goodbye to anything resembling a normal life, going to outer space and being held hostage by comedians seems much more normal then his impending future. And he still wasn't sure if he will ever die for good, so will he be tested on...forever? He was scared, very scared. At that point he just lost it, he started bawling, and he didn't care that the others were looking at him. He did notice, to his annoyance, that cartman was still filming.<br>"cartman! You asshole!" Stan said when he noticed cartman filming me crying  
>"I'll edit this out, I wouldn't want anybody to take pity on him, I just like watching people cry." cartman replied<br>"this is the worst thing you've ever done, and that's saying something." Stan replied.  
>"yeah, this is worse than when you used aborted fetuses to build your own shakeys pizza and said you were using them to help a dying...friend" Kyle stopped, putting two and two together. "It's a good thing you can come back dude."<br>"Not in this case." I said still sniffling "wait, what did he do?"  
>"You don't wanna know."<br>'Well, this has been fun, but I have ten million dollars to make, see you on CNN Kenny." he then exited, with a self-satisfied smirk on his face."  
>"That bastard, that evil bastard" Kyle said, his hands balling up into fists, he had quite a temper sometimes.<br>"You guys, what am I going to do?"  
>"What do you mean? We're going to get that tape back." Stan said<br>"how?"  
>"I've got a plan." so I listened, and I had to admit, it was a very good one.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The plan was simple; we sneak into cartman's house late at night and switch the tape with one of a dancing kitten. The tape is supposed to go live on Ellen tomorrow night. So we have to do this tonight. We have snuck into cartman's house a few times before, to steal a kidney and dye his hair red (don't ask) we tiptoe to avoid waking up fluffy, then slowly open the door to cartmen's room, good, fast asleep. We dig through his closet and find the video camera, it's pretty easy to find, considering he just used it. We switch the tapes and get out of there fast. I'm surprised at how easy that was.  
>"I can't wait to see his face when he sees that tape on national TV!" Kyle says gleefully, he always hated cartman the most, although he might have some competition lately. To be honest I can't wait either. The next day is a blur, a nervous excited blur. i don't even hear what Mr. garrison is talking about in class, I'm too busy thinking about the video. We all decided to try and get in the audience of the show so we can see cartman's humiliation firsthand. luckily we did and are now sitting in the audience while cartman looks at us with a confused look on his face. ha ha, you have no idea, cartmen, that the joke will so be on you. the lights dim down, showtime. ellen comes out, people cheer. she makes a few jokes, none of which I can remember, then she says<br>"let's welcome our first guest Eric cartman!" lots of people cheer, we stay silent.  
>'Thanks Ellen" he says<br>"so, Eric, you say you've made an amazing discovery you'd like to share with us." people cheer again.  
>"why yes i do, and luckily I've managed to get a recording of it."<br>"well let's watch it" the video starts playing, I sit up in my chair, this is it! that doesn't look like a kitten, that looks like...me. no. NOOOOOOOO! I rush onstage,panicking. just as the video of me killing myself is all over national tv.  
>"why look here's the immortal boy now."<p>

"You evil bastard!" Kyle yells "how is this possible? We switched the tape!"

Cartman laughes "do you really think I would trust that you wouldn't do something? I kept the tape on me for safekeeping"

It's over, I lost, people are staring at me, shell shocked, and I don't like it. I don't feel, i don't think, I just do the first thing that comes to mind, i take my gun out of my pocket and pull the trigger. and everything fades to black.


	5. Chapter 5

Kenny's POV  
>It's the next day and, to be honest, I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. Maybe the plan failed, but it doesn't matter, because nobody remembers! My grin fades as I see cartman heading toward me, and he looks pissed.<br>"Why did you do, you son of a bitch?" he yells. I keep a straight face and say  
>"I don't know what you're talking about, fatass."<br>"Don't play dumb, why didn't the video air last night?" I do my best not to tell him it did air, he just doesn't remember it. "and when I woke up this morning, the videotape was gone!" that was my doing, I snuck in his house again and stole it, and this time I really did, he told me exactly where it was on the Ellen show. "I know you had something to do with it."  
>"Maybe you just lost it"<br>"impossible, I put it in the same place every day, and that doesn't explain why the tape didn't air."  
>"Maybe they just didn't like it."<br>"You can deny it all you want, but I know you had something to do with it."  
>"Well, maybe I did, maybe I didn't"<br>"just remember this Kenny, you may think you won, but this isn't over, not by a long shot." and with that, he turns around and walks away.


	6. Chapter 6

I was hoping to have this finished by the start of season 15b. I obviously didn't so I will just keep going with the story as I intended it and the new episodes, most notably ass burgers, will not happen in this story. Enjoy chapter six! P.S. now you get to see why I chose the title.

Kenny's POV  
>another week passes. Everything is going great. I haven't seen cartman sense our little chat, and it's a relief. It's awesome to have a conversation with my friends without "dumb Jew" and "fatass" making it's way into the conversation at least ten times. And, despite what cartman said, I'm pretty sure it's over. Thank god, that could've been really bad. Both Kyle and Stan tell me that whatever I did, it worked so it must have been pretty awesome. It's another typical Friday, everyone buzzed about the weekend so they never concentrate, myself included. As I walk down the hall people are staring at me, I look down at my clothes, seems fine, I didn't accidentally wear my pajamas to school. Maybe there's some food in my teeth, I'll have to fix it when I get to class. I sit down in my seat and everyone in class stares at me too. That's odd; I didn't sit in the wrong chair did I? Before I have a chance to check Mr. Garrison starts to speak<br>"wow Kenny, I didn't expect you to be here."  
>"Why wouldn't I be? Oh no, nothing happened to my family, did it?" people laugh at this; I don't see what's so funny about that.<br>"No, I would just think that every TV station would have you booked right now." this is making no sense to me  
>"TV station?"<br>"Yeah after your big debut everyone has been talking about you, not surprising why, I didn't think there was anybody with your kind of talent." oh no, this can't be what I think it is.  
>"Remind me, what exactly my big debut was."<br>"Partied to hard last night Kenny? It was yesterday, around five on Ellen, its funny, that's usually when they play the reruns." reruns! Of course! I completely forgot about those!  
>"I don't feel so good" I said, and I ran out of there as fast as my legs could carry me.<br>"Hmmm, I guess he did party too hard last night." Mr. Garrison continued.  
>"Mr. Garrison, I have to go to the bathroom." Kyle said<br>"me too" Stan jumped in  
>"going to the bathroom together? You really have to stop doing things like that if you don't want people to stop spreading the gay rumors."<br>"Well can we go?"  
>"Oh, alright." they both rushed out of there and went to find Kenny.<br>I was crying in the boys bathroom, the one place where I actually had some privacy, when I heard Stan and Kyle come in the door.  
>"Kenny?" they call "you here?" I slowly open the bathroom stall to face them.<br>"There you are." Kyle said  
>"please don't tell anyone I was crying."<br>"Of course not, dude."  
>"Did you know? About the rerun?"<br>"no, we found out when you did, we were wondering why people were looking at us weirdly."  
>"This is it, my life is over, everyone in America knows about me."<br>"It might not be that bad." Kyle says, I shoot a glare at him.  
>'no, really, people might think it's cool"<br>"either way, you can't stay in here forever." Stan adds. I sigh  
>"I guess your right." I step outside and immediately a hundred pairs of eyes are on me.<br>"There he is!" someone yells and I am chased down by a million screaming fangirls.  
>"On second thought, run!" Kyle yells, I agree and do so, I try turning corners in the hallways to confuse them, but it doesn't work their still on my tail. I finally manage to lose them after we jump out of an open window. They get confused and stop looking. We all breathe sighs of relief.<br>"What do we do now?" Stan asks  
>"well we can't go back in there." Kyle and Stan nod. "My house? my parents are gone getting drunk again." they agree, they don't usually hang out at my house much (after spending so much time there I completely understand) but for the other's their parents will give them a hard time. When we get to my house though there are reporters everywhere. How do they know my address? I have the feeling cartman had something to do with that. We make a quick exit out of there before they see me; I don't want a repeat of the crazy fangirl chase.<br>"Where do we go now?" Kyle asks  
>"I've got it! We can go to my old house!" we both look at Stan, puzzled. "it's empty and I still have a key." perfect! We go there as fast as we can. Finally, no reporters.<br>"What are we going to do now?" the question hung in the air for a while  
>"hey, what's this still doing here?" Stan asks out of nowhere<br>"What are you talking about?"  
>"Shelly's old black and white TV, I guess she didn't pack it."<br>"Well turn it on, we need to know how much they know." Stan nods and does so. All the news stories are about me, big shocker, but then they say something that makes my skin crawl.  
>"And scientists are attempting to track down young Kenny and find out what makes his immortality possible, they say by 2020 everyone on in America will have the same immortality he does." We all gasp, oh no, this is really bad. My worst fears have come true, they are going to experiment on me, but never had I expected this to happen, everyone in America, immortal? I've lived through immortality, it sucks. It's something I won't wish upon my worst enemy much less everyone in the country. Now everyone is going to live like me, while I get tortured in the process, I can't live like this. America can't live like this. I can't let those scientists catch me.<br>"I have no choice, I have to run away."


End file.
